is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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