PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
