I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
