i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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