Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
