wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
