I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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