I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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