did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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