she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
