I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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