I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
