after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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