I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
