i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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