i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
