he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
