I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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