we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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