mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
