I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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