i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
