I faked an abortion last night.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
bring money and cleavage
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
