Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
