I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
