TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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