nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So squirting runs in the family.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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