Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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