her facebook's as public as her vagina
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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