i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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