I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
