There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
