Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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