he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
