the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
