sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
