M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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