make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
