I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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