I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
zippers are such a cool invention
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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