from now on my penis is your penis
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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