plz talk dirty to me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
