If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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