We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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