I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
