I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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