Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
