so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
