I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
