no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
All I want is dick and wine.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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