I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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