So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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