At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
