I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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